Loved this essay, as I did the very first one you published. Been there on gearing up to "reinvent" myself and spending lots of time on something meaningful only to be met with a lackluster response.
Truthfully, I don't think we'll ever find an exit. Whether we try to create as authentically as we can, or if we want to "hustle" for more money, it's always dream after dream. "This time, I'll really be satisfied."
Except we're human. And we're designed to be greedy for survival. Designed to want to be perceived but not too much, designed to want self expression but not too much, lest it come at the cost of stability.
All we can do is enjoy the ride in each phase of our life. That's really all it is, in my experience. Enjoy each phase as it comes, and try to slowly figure out the stories people will tell about you after we've long left this Earth. You've got this, Stephanie. Not because this is the next big thing for you, but because you're human, and you're doing your best to live well and make sense of it all.
"The death of clinging to certainty. The death of clinging to control. And to who you thought you were. A death of self as you’ve known it — while grief, hope, and existential despair orbit in maddening proximity." <-- yes yes yes! Totally related to this essay and how the ambiguity can bring on this sort of existential dread. For a long time, I didn't write at all because if I wasn't doing it then I also wasn't failing at it. If I failed, then what? It's all for nothing? But the pursuit is worthy and meaningful regardless of external success. Spot on, thank you for sharing 🫶
Loved this essay, as I did the very first one you published. Been there on gearing up to "reinvent" myself and spending lots of time on something meaningful only to be met with a lackluster response.
Truthfully, I don't think we'll ever find an exit. Whether we try to create as authentically as we can, or if we want to "hustle" for more money, it's always dream after dream. "This time, I'll really be satisfied."
Except we're human. And we're designed to be greedy for survival. Designed to want to be perceived but not too much, designed to want self expression but not too much, lest it come at the cost of stability.
All we can do is enjoy the ride in each phase of our life. That's really all it is, in my experience. Enjoy each phase as it comes, and try to slowly figure out the stories people will tell about you after we've long left this Earth. You've got this, Stephanie. Not because this is the next big thing for you, but because you're human, and you're doing your best to live well and make sense of it all.
From one creative to another, cheers.
"The death of clinging to certainty. The death of clinging to control. And to who you thought you were. A death of self as you’ve known it — while grief, hope, and existential despair orbit in maddening proximity." <-- yes yes yes! Totally related to this essay and how the ambiguity can bring on this sort of existential dread. For a long time, I didn't write at all because if I wasn't doing it then I also wasn't failing at it. If I failed, then what? It's all for nothing? But the pursuit is worthy and meaningful regardless of external success. Spot on, thank you for sharing 🫶